It's Decorative Gourd Season

Leave it to McSweeney's to provide some delightfully twisted commentary on the Halloween season.  When it comes to ringing in the season with something strange, Colin Nissan's "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers" is about as good as it gets:

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

Oh, yes. This shit just got real.